


Struggling With Myself

by ChibiYoda



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bruce never thinks he's worthy, Dubious Consent, M/M, Misunderstandings, No actual porn cuz I suck at it, Science Boyfriends, Science Bros, This Is My Ship and It Has Wrecked Me, Tony knows Bruce is worthy, Yes I know that was a poor choice of words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-21
Updated: 2014-11-21
Packaged: 2018-02-25 16:57:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2629322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChibiYoda/pseuds/ChibiYoda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by this anonymous prompt on Avengerkink:</p><p>"Bruce/Tony: Bruce thinks he is whoring himself for somewhere to live</p><p>Bruce agrees to sleep with Tony because he thinks it means he'll be allowed to stay. It's not that he doesn't want to, it's just that he also thinks Tony is less likely to get sick of him and kick him out if Bruce gives him regular orgasms. Of course this isn't actually the case - Tony just really like Bruce."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Struggling With Myself

"So, what d'ya think?" Tony asked. The others had already left the restaurant, and only Tony and Bruce remained. "If nothing else, just stay for a few days until you recoup from all of...this. Then, if by that time you feel you'd like to hang around longer, well, my offer stands."

It was a good offer, Bruce had to admit, a place to stay and a chance to go back to doing the type of work he loved. It would be a welcome change from the life that fate had forced him into. He knew that it was most likely a very bad idea. But Tony could be effectively persuasive, and right now he was just too darn tired to go through his laundry list of reasons why he should decline. He exhaled, and felt the tension drain from his shoulders.

"Sure. That would be really nice. Thanks." He did his best to muster up a smile.

"Great. Done deal." Tony gave him a pat on the back. "No thanks required."

***

After 20 hours, waking only once to use the bathroom, Bruce crawled out of the bed in one of Tony's guest suites. It was 7 pm. An unfamiliar voice startled him.

"Good Evening Dr. Banner. Mr. Stark has instructed me to ask you to join him in the penthouse for dinner."

"Uh, ok. Thank you?" Bruce wasn't sure in which direction he should respond.

He glanced around the room, and noticed a bundle of clothes folded neatly on a chair - a pair of jeans, a couple of shirts, socks, underwear. Well, he certainly didn't have anything of his own to wear. He showered and changed, then went to meet Tony.

 

The penthouse was still a disaster area. Some initial cleanup seemed to have begun, but the windows had yet to be replaced, and the man-sized crater in the floor glared at him. Bruce looked sheepishly at Tony, who smiled broadly.

"It's a nice night. I thought we could get some fresh air without, you know, actually having to go outside. Is pizza ok with you? It's one of the few things I could get delivered right now."

"Oh yeah, that's fine." Bruce wasn't fussy. Just about any kind of food would be appreciated at this point.

They each took a side of the sofa, and ate, and talked. It was easy. Comfortable even. Tony was thrilled to talk with someone interesting and intelligent. Bruce was simply happy to have someone to talk to at all. But having it be someone like Tony was a pleasant bonus.

Though science had brought them together, their discussions didn't stay at the clinical level. After their involvement in the mind boggling events of late, they needed a break from all the science fiction that had now become fact. So each found himself talking freely about his background, interests, and the like. It was highly unusual for either of them to be so open with someone they hadn't known very long. But these two had bonded the moment they met. This was the first time they were communicating in a quiet, non-crisis filled environment, and the words flowed effortlessly. Neither even noticed that they'd forgotten their masks, let down their guard, and left the door to themselves opened. It only seemed important that they know the other person, and be known by them.

They stayed like that for several hours, and then several more, after they'd fallen asleep on their respective ends of the couch - a knee touching another somewhere in the middle.

***

Fortunately, the R&D floors had sustained minimal damage. Nine of those floors were occupied by SI employees, but the tenth floor, located beneath the start of the floors of living quarters, was reserved for Tony. This is where he brought Bruce the next day. Bruce's mouth remained agape as he perused the kind of equipment he didn't think he'd ever have the opportunity to use again.

"What'd I tell you...Candyland." Tony declared, his arms outstretched with pride.

Bruce laughed. "You did not exaggerate."

"All this can be yours. You can work in private. I never really need to use this place that often. I do most of my work down in the garage. Safer that way. You don't have to worry about my stuff invading your area. I've just got a couple of things stored here right now. They don't take up much room, so I can move them over to a corner."

"Please don't disrupt your things on my account." Bruce hated the thought of inconveniencing the man in any way. "There's more than enough room here. I'm used to only having a small space."

"Nonsense." Tony leaned in to Bruce, and whispered "And I'm very good at fitting my stuff into small spaces." He ended with a playful wink.

That was Bruce's first taste of a Tony Stark come-on. He'd witnessed some examples of it while they were on the helicarrier. Tony flirted with pretty much everyone. Suggestive comments were part of his common lexicon. Bruce hadn't expected Tony to extend this habit toward him, but he could certainly take a joke. 

Bruce merely rolled his eyes, and shook his head in mock disdain. Tony laughed, threw an arm around his shoulder, and went off on a tangent about the merits of tower living.

***

It didn't take an undue amount of effort to keep Bruce content. He was enjoying himself, even though it might not have been overtly apparent to the casual onlooker. Bruce would never be able to adopt the same kind of carefree attitude as Tony. So much of the time one really couldn't tell if he was having a good time or not. But he was. Tony's current mission in life was to keep Bruce from going back into exile. So far, his tactics were working. 

During the first couple of weeks, the two fell into their own little pattern. They ate together daily. They worked their odd hours sometimes together, sometimes apart. Yet even when they were working on their own, they were always in some sort of contact with each other. Usually in the form of Tony intercomming Bruce from his basement lair with silly jokes or serious inquiries. Tony was also known to just bound into Bruce's lab to play. And when it looked like Bruce was trying too hard to make up for all his lost research time, Tony would pull him out of the lab and up for air.

And every time Tony teased Bruce with a flirtatious remark, be it a subtle witticism or blatant declaration, Bruce would laugh it off and return to his business.

***

One afternoon, Tony was wandering around the lab, regaling Bruce with the tale of his latest test run of the Mark VIII. Bruce had become adept at following Tony's conversations while still managing to get some work done.

At one point, Tony had come up behind Bruce's stool. He was peering over Bruce's shoulder, putting his two cents in on the physicist's work, while absentmindedly kneading the man's shoulders. Tony was a tactile person. Elbow nudges, pats on the back, Bruce sort of envied that ability to reach out and touch without fear. Coming off of years of depriving himself of as much contact with others as possible, being exposed to Tony Stark on a daily basis, with his lack of regard for personal space, and shameless talent for turning any comment into innuendo, did take some getting used to. Yet deep down, he welcomed the attention. Especially because it was coming from Tony.

Only because it was coming from Tony.

"Geez Banner," he said, still working on the knots in Bruce's shoulders, "you really need to loosen up. Relax a little more. Get with the program and start having some fun."

It was at that moment, that something clicked in Bruce's brain. Tony's particular choice of words brought about a hypothesis that Bruce hadn't considered until now. Relax...program...fun. He theorized as to what may have actually been going on over the past two weeks. 

Had Tony not entirely been joking with him? Did he really want to have sex with Bruce? Tony couldn't possibly be attracted to him. Why would he want to waste his time with Bruce when he could walk into any setting and have his pick of the available bodies?

There was only reason that made sense to Bruce. Nothing in life is free. It was impossible that Bruce had found a friend who would take him in like this, give him everything he needs, but want nothing in return. People didn't work like that. Not any that he had run into, that's for sure. How could he have been so dense? 

Would sleeping with Tony be a bad thing? Bruce isn't the type to sleep with someone that he doesn't truly care about. He cares about Tony more than just about anyone on the planet, so he could definitely do it. But, he would much prefer it if it actually meant something to Tony as well. Bruce doesn't doubt Tony's friendship, but he knows that Tony doesn't necessarily need an emotional connection with a person he chooses to have sex with. So for Tony, this would be just fun and games. For Bruce, it would carry a little more weight.

Bruce asked himself if he could still go through with it. Could he risk becoming more attached to Tony? He was pretty certain that it would most likely prove detrimental to him somewhere down the road. But it would be Bruce's decision to let it overly affect him. He'd be going into this with full knowledge that this activity was not meant to alter their existing relationship. So if he got hurt, it would be Bruce's own fault. The sex would simply be a way for Bruce to pay Tony back, just a little, for everything he's doing for him. It was perfectly justifiable, right? He merely needed to keep things in perspective, and have fun, like Tony.

Bruce turned to face his friend.

The other man could see the change in Bruce's face. His expression had softened. He could very well be mistaken, but it appeared to him that Bruce was waiting for him to do something. Tony weighed his options for a moment.

He had tried very hard not to be overly enthusiastic about Bruce's decision to hang around for a while. He'd been thunderstruck the moment they met. It was all downhill from there. He'd fallen pretty hard for Bruce, but was convinced that any move on his part would be a disaster. He felt resigned to either keep his attraction as under-wraps as he could manage, or lose Bruce from his life.

But damn if Bruce didn't seem to be giving him a signal right now. Maybe he was imagining it, because he wanted it so badly. Yet he and Bruce always seem to end up on the same page, whatever the circumstance. Should Tony chance it? No risk, no reward, after all. He could always blame it on the booze, or a very bad joke on his part, if Bruce ended up slugging him.

Tony opted to throw caution to the wind, and go for it. He tentatively leaned in, and kissed Bruce. And Bruce let him. When Tony's tongue swiped across Bruce's lips, there might have been a split second of hesitation, but thereafter, they parted for Tony. His hands were allowed to roam wherever they wanted. Tony was more than pleasantly surprised, as well as mildly shocked, by this turn of events. This was fabulous. Something was going right, instead of blowing up in his face.

Being that he was totally unprepared for this scenario, Tony defaulted to a flippant comment. "That wasn't so hard now, was it?" he teased when they came up for air.

Bruce smiled shyly and shook his head. Actually, he found it quite easy to give in and follow along with Tony's whims.

 

So they added sex to their relationship, and Bruce couldn't lie to himself and say he didn't enjoy it. He just made sure to constantly remind himself not to take it as anything more than what it was. Just a couple of friends releasing some energy in a non-traditional way. It's not such a big deal. So what if it doesn't mean anything to Tony?

But he was still only human, and couldn't help himself those times when he felt a twinge of sorrow while looking into Tony's eyes as the engineer thrust inside of him. He tried not to fall in love, but Bruce had already stumbled into that mass of quicksand, despite his own cautions. He was in love with Tony before this all started. Piecing it all together, he knew he had to have been, or he wouldn't have been able to agree to this. He chastised himself. All he could do now was try not to go completely under.

 

Weeks went by, and Tony and Bruce's friendship remained solid. Tony was clearly a happy camper. And Bruce, he was happy as well, all things considered. It was a good arrangement. Nothing is perfect, but this was good enough. The whole 'friends with benefits' thing wasn't so bad. It was business as usual, with some overtime now and then. So he thought. Until one evening, when he was feeling pretty lousy. Something he'd eaten didn't agree with him. His stomach was doing flip flops.

He was lying on the recliner in his suite when Tony came by. He'd been out of town for a couple of days on business, and as soon as he'd gotten back, he made a beeline for Bruce.

"It's open." Bruce called out, when Tony announced himself outside the door.

"Hey there. What's shakin'?" Tony sashayed in, his mouth running a mile a minute. Bruce smiled as he recapped the miserable time he had during boring meetings and dinners with insufferable blowhards. "...anyhow, I missed you. How about I show you how much?" Tony waggled his eyebrows.

Bruce dreaded having to say no. "Tony, I'd like to, but I'm really not feeling well tonight. Something I ate. I'm really sorry. But I'm sure I can take care of you tomorrow."

Tony was perplexed by Bruce's reply. "Nothing to be sorry for. But, what do you mean by 'take care of me'?"

Bruce stumbled over his words. "Well, I know that part of our arrangement includes my being available when you want to...you know..." he trailed off. "And that's perfectly fine. It's just that I'm really not up to it tonight. I promise I'll make it up to you tomorrow, though. I'm sure this'll pass by then." He hoped that Tony wouldn't be too angry.

It took Tony a moment to connect the dots, and honestly, he was hoping that the picture they had formed was a huge mistake on his perception. "Wait, back up. You're under the impression that the reason we have sex is that I'm collecting some kind of payment for you staying here? You think you're whoring yourself out in exchange for a roof over your head?" He was furious. "What the hell kinda guy do you think I am?"

Oh Tony was angry, but not for the reason that Bruce had anticipated. He was at a loss for words, confusion apparent on his face. "Well, I just thought..."

Tony willed himself to calm down. "I'm a better man than that. And more importantly, so are you. Jesus Bruce, it's a privilege to have you here. You're brilliant, beautiful, and you've got a snarky streak that rivals my own. I have a blast with you." He ran a hand through his hair. "I thought we were sleeping together because maybe you cared about me as much as I do about you."

Bruce studied Tony's face. Could he possibly have misinterpreted their relationship this horribly? Tony's words seemed genuine, and his expression pulled at Bruce's heartstrings. "My god, Tony. I'm so sorry. I mean, I thought we were friends, but I didn't think you could be interested in me in 'that way'. So when you were, you know, flirting with me, I thought that...well, you know what I thought." Now he couldn't tell if his nausea was from the food, or caused by the fact that he just accused his best friend of reprehensible behavior. "I apologize, profusely. Of course you're a better man than that. I was stupid and thoughtless." He rubbed his temples with his fingertips.

Tony shook his head slowly. "No, you were just underestimating yourself, as usual. Geez Bruce, you're worth so much more than you ever give yourself credit for. And I'm not just blowing smoke up your ass. I'm serious."

And then something dawned on Tony. His eyes grew wide. "Oh god, Bruce. When we were", he made a vague hand gesture, "did you not want...was I..." He was panicked, not wanting to have to say the words.

At first, Bruce didn't catch on. But then, "Oh...oh no, no! It wasn't against my will. I wanted to." He looked away. "I was just wishing it was under different circumstances."

Tony was visibly relieved. The idea that he might have been forcing himself on the person that, if he had the guts to analyze it he might conclude that he could very well be in love with, was too much to handle.

Bruce went on. "I can't believe that I actually thought you were capable of doing something like that. I'm an idiot. I'm so used to people wanting something 'from' me. It's been a very long time since anyone just plain 'wanted' me." He couldn't bring himself to look at Tony's face. "I don't know if I can ever make this up to you, but I'd like to try. If you want me to, that is. But I'll completely understand if you don't."

Tony wanted. He wanted very much. "Oh yeah, you're gonna make it up to me alright. Let's see, first, you're gonna make sure you purge any thought that I'm with you for any reason other than the fact that I'm wildly attracted to you, and honestly enjoy being with you. And if you ever have any doubts at all about that statement, I want you to discuss it with me post haste. You got me?"

He then walked over to Bruce, and knelt down beside the recliner, their faces inches apart. He gently lifted Bruce's chin. "And as soon as you're feeling better, you're gonna let me sex you up properly. Anything you want, any way you want it. And you're gonna enjoy every second of it." He gently kissed the tip of Bruce's nose.

 

Tony kept Bruce company the rest of the night. He fetched something for Bruce's headache, and ginger ale to help settle his stomach. He talked about starting their relationship over, doing it right. He went on and on about all of Bruce's attributes, and why anyone would be lucky to have him...but noting that people better keep their hands off now, because he's taken. They were going to be awesome science boyfriends.

Bruce listened, and nodded, and got a word in here and there. He smiled genuinely at a genuinely delighted Tony. His previously heavy heart was relieved and revitalized. He was happy, and he let himself be, because, at least according to Tony, he deserved to be.

And for now, that was reason enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Written in August 2013, revised in November 2014.


End file.
